tango etiquette

Here are concise-ish musings on the perennially frightening aspect of asking people to dance at a milonga.

donkeys and fairies...

...is the motto of this year's summer ball:

I'm grateful to the model.

Why women think they don't get dances - c'tnd

On the Valentango 07 feedback blog are some interesting comments on the apparently poor gender balance at the festival which left many followers in dire straits. I have yet to experience an evening where the gender balance is tipped the other way round. On occasions when this seemed about to happen, leaders in our community were generally seen to make a hasty exit - a classic example of negative feedback. Clearly homeostasis is less of an issue to women. They seem much more willing to sit it out for the one nice dance they might get in an hour, at the next milonga or next year. At least where I dance. I suppose this proves that we don't live in Daisyworld.

Lots of photos

If you like tango photos there are plenty at tangovision, both from Europe and from Buenos Aires - plus a photo journal of a journey to the Argentinian north.

Why women think they don't get dances II

Here is another one who has done some research on the subject.

teaching how to follow

I find that group classes are hardly the best way to teach - especially when it comes to working with those who follow. But, alas, unless one is a full-time tango teacher (and lives in a world where people are able to pay - say - £30 for a class instead of - say - £3) group classes are the format to go with. Many issues such as groundedness, though, seem impossible to communicate, no matter how many excercises and explanations are being given. I'm often quite astonished by how difficult it is for me or my teaching partner to communicate anything physical verbally - or how easy to misunderstand - if there is not already a concept in the learners brain of what is meant. Being of a skinny disposition myself, for instance, it took me years to understand what 'connecting with the floor' could possibly mean (- and I'm still working on it).
Yesterday I worked with two of our women in class on grounding themselves and relaxing into the connection. With much feedback and concerted concentration there was a sense of where things could go - until they were handed back to their beginner-leaders. But it is probably illusionary to think that anything other than practicing could cut the process short.

I thought I should qualify my last blurb - I didn't mean to say that an approach to dancing which is different from mine is negative. I just like it if differences are made clear - that saves me feeling bad about myself.
I also didn't mean to imply that there are no male tango dancers out there who choose their dance partners for entirely different reasons. I know a fair few.

Last weekend

The weekend was wonderful even though I missed some of my favourite dancers - maybe because the salon was full half an hour after El Corte had opened it's door. More than 100 people didn't get in. We only arrived some ten minutes before the doors closed. A worrying thought given that we travelled for 7 hours to get there. Next time - we decided - we'll make sure we're there earlier just to be safe, thus adding our bit to heighten the 'getting-there-in-time'-panic.

I did not only dance this weekend, though. I also continued my ongoing research on 'reasons why women think men don't dance with them a lot' and 'reasons why men dance more with some women than others'. There seems to be a great discrepancy. When asked why they didn't get asked, women all too often assume a lack of dances is linked to their tango skills and some men even strengthen this. Looking at what happens at big Milongas where people don't know each other well it is often obvious that skill has nothing to do with it. I have seen some of our least experienced followers busy dancing all evening just because they happened to fit a particular female stereotype whilst better dancers sat out even though they were just as - but somewhat differently - pretty and perfectly smiley. Some people think a certain expression of bliss or way of sitting is needed to get many requests. This I believe can be pure snake oil to some of us.

When asking and observing some male tango aquaintances the following emerges:

• what counts is not if a woman is a nice dancer but if the perceived 'top-males' of the group think she is a nice dancer
• 'nice dancer' does not always mean 'she dances well' but might mean 'looks, moves and behaves like we think a nice dancer would'.
  
• a woman-beginner in her late teens or twenties is deemed more attractive to dance with than one which is in her late thirties, late forties, late fifties, late sixties, late seventies etc.
  
• women who attend a milonga without partner dance more than those who come with their partner
  
• a good dancer who is available for 'romance' is thought more interesting to dance with than one who is not
• women who seem to dance very well and are pretty are scary to ask

These are obvious points, but men rarely mention these to ailing and insecure gals who don't understand what is wrong with them. Often that would actually help - like when a friend of mine declined dancing the last tanda with me in favour of somebody he was in the process of pulling. He just shrugged his shoulders and said 'you know why'. And because I relate to tango and dancing in a different way I actually hadn't known until he said it. A little later, when this affair had ended I said to him 'but that must be terrible - you liked to dance with her so much!' and he replied 'no, it isn't, there are hundreds of good followers around...'. And I guess that's the big difference. I enjoy dancing with so very few men that I would never risk having an affair with any of them - that would be total waste.

Teachers like dancing too

On two nights we have a practica after class and I find that many of the leaders don't ask me to dance. Yesterday somebody asked the friend I was practising with if she wanted to dance and so I replied in jest that not only did he never ask ME to dance he was also out now to steal my dance partner. He replied to my surprise that he thought asking the teacher wasn't done - but if it was he would. So today he did and I had an amusing time of it. I do like getting asked - after all I'm a girl, too.

All change - not

Revolution in the beginners class ... when asked to change partner they refused. They didn't want to try with a person other than the one they had come with. It was their third class. Sad.

On a totally unrelated matter: the Guardian tells us that Buenos Aires is not a bad place for vegetarians.

Less hydrology

Monday is a tango-free day. At least in terms of physical involvement. That doesn't mean that I do not - somehow pathetically - stop by in a virtual fashion at a variety of different tango blogs or watch a video or two. This waste of valuable work time often angers me - especially if I've spent time reading tango-L, on which I shall not bestow any further comment and to which I shall not link.
Why tango has a tendency to induce an unhealthy obsession in so many of us is not clear. Mine has taken a peculiar turn as of late in so far as I have stopped taking pleasure in dancing since I've had the most lovely dances ever some weeks ago. That doesn't mean I've stopped, though - I just don't enjoy it.