Last weekend

The weekend was wonderful even though I missed some of my favourite dancers - maybe because the salon was full half an hour after El Corte had opened it's door. More than 100 people didn't get in. We only arrived some ten minutes before the doors closed. A worrying thought given that we travelled for 7 hours to get there. Next time - we decided - we'll make sure we're there earlier just to be safe, thus adding our bit to heighten the 'getting-there-in-time'-panic.

I did not only dance this weekend, though. I also continued my ongoing research on 'reasons why women think men don't dance with them a lot' and 'reasons why men dance more with some women than others'. There seems to be a great discrepancy. When asked why they didn't get asked, women all too often assume a lack of dances is linked to their tango skills and some men even strengthen this. Looking at what happens at big Milongas where people don't know each other well it is often obvious that skill has nothing to do with it. I have seen some of our least experienced followers busy dancing all evening just because they happened to fit a particular female stereotype whilst better dancers sat out even though they were just as - but somewhat differently - pretty and perfectly smiley. Some people think a certain expression of bliss or way of sitting is needed to get many requests. This I believe can be pure snake oil to some of us.

When asking and observing some male tango aquaintances the following emerges:

• what counts is not if a woman is a nice dancer but if the perceived 'top-males' of the group think she is a nice dancer
• 'nice dancer' does not always mean 'she dances well' but might mean 'looks, moves and behaves like we think a nice dancer would'.
  
• a woman-beginner in her late teens or twenties is deemed more attractive to dance with than one which is in her late thirties, late forties, late fifties, late sixties, late seventies etc.
  
• women who attend a milonga without partner dance more than those who come with their partner
  
• a good dancer who is available for 'romance' is thought more interesting to dance with than one who is not
• women who seem to dance very well and are pretty are scary to ask

These are obvious points, but men rarely mention these to ailing and insecure gals who don't understand what is wrong with them. Often that would actually help - like when a friend of mine declined dancing the last tanda with me in favour of somebody he was in the process of pulling. He just shrugged his shoulders and said 'you know why'. And because I relate to tango and dancing in a different way I actually hadn't known until he said it. A little later, when this affair had ended I said to him 'but that must be terrible - you liked to dance with her so much!' and he replied 'no, it isn't, there are hundreds of good followers around...'. And I guess that's the big difference. I enjoy dancing with so very few men that I would never risk having an affair with any of them - that would be total waste.